Herstory

This video, which spread like wildfire across social media last week, was just the latest example of the way organizations continuously downplay the impact of domestic violence and rape culture. In turn, this betrays how little we as a society care for, or even think of, victims of interpersonal violence.

Men who become killers often begin by attacking their wives and children.

Among other things, the policy misunderstands how deeply manipulative, destructive, coercive, and dangerous abusers can be.

According to Kentucky Rep. Joe Fischer, who has attached a 20-week abortion ban to a domestic violence bill, "The most brutal form of domestic violence is the violence against unborn children.”

Preview of the documentary film about gender violence in the US. The film follows the story of Kim, as she and her three children make their way through a Duluth,…

of [relationship] ‘vigilance’ include calling at unexpected times to see who s/he was with, having their friends check up on him/her, dropping by unexpectedly to see what s/he is doing, not letting s/he out of their site at a party. Examples of [relationship] violence include: hitting the [person] who made a pass at [their partner], slapping the [person] who made a pass a their partner, threatening their partner, and getting his/her friends to beat up the person who was interested in their partner.

Other tactics of ‘mate guarding’ include the ‘concealment of a mate’ (e.g., not taking them out to the party where other males/females will be present), ‘monopolizing of a mate’s time’ (e.g., spending all their free time with their partner so that they cannot meet anyone else), verbal threats, (e.g., threatening to break up with him/her if they ever cheat…), derogation of competition, (e.g., pointing out to their partner the other man/woman’s flaws), resource display, (e.g., buying them an expensive gift), appearance enhancement, (e.g., making themselves ‘extra attractive’ for their partner), sexual inducement, (e.g., performing sexual favors to keep their partner around), physical signs of possession, (e.g., holding their partner’s hand when other men/women are around), and possessive ornamentation, (e.g., asking their partner to wear a ring signifying that s/he is taken).

Men and women differ in how frequently they perform these mate-guarding tactics. Men are more likely than women to attempt to conceal their mates, use possessive markings, (e.g., asking her to wear his jacket), display resources, threaten rivals, and use physical violence toward rivals as tactics of mate guarding. Women are more likely than men to enhance their physical appearance and flirt with other men as tactics of mate guarding.

Our study of 107 newlywed married couples explored predictors of the intensity of effort a person allocated to mate guarding. Men married to young and physically attractive women, those high in reproductive value, mate-guarded them most intensely. These men were more likely than other men to conceal their mates, display emotional outbursts at the slightest signals of infidelity, and threaten other men with violence. Examples of the specific actions these men performed include:

(1) Refusing to take her to the party where other men were present, (2) Insisting that she spend all her free time with him, (3) Yelling at her for talking to another man, (4) Telling her that he would die if she ever left him, (5) Derogating the other man’s intelligence, (6) Staring coldly at the other guy who was looking at her.

Just as women’s youth and physical attractiveness figure heavily in men’s initial mate preference, they also determine the intensity of effort men devote to holding on to her.

Buss, David. "The Murderer Next Door: Why The Mind Is Designed To Kill." Penguin Press; New York, 2005. (p. 146 - 147)
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Document the Abuse, Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit

Born out of the Stacy Peterson Case, the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (E.A.A.) was created for victims of domestic violence, to insure that the victim’s words about her fears and previous violence will not disappear if she does. The ability to prove who likely seriously injured, abducted, or killed someone is as only as good as the evidence. The E.A.A. was developed to assist victims in documenting their experiences in ways that will help the legal system successfully prosecute in the future.

Today, we’ve got some sad news out of Minneapolis, where Nancy Sullivan, a Barnes & Thornburg partner who practiced ERISA and employee benefits law and served as the pro bono coordinator at her firm’s office, was shot and killed by her boyfriend as she tried to move out of the home they shared together. Also wounded were Sullivan’s daughter, Kathleen Fay, and Fay’s boyfriend, Tony Brown.

We, as a society, give many permission slips to abusers, excusing their abuse, violence & control with claims of “understandable stressors.” Perhaps no category of these permission slips is larger, more pervasive, than the economical permission slips.

When people can't modulate their own anxieties and insecurities, one partner's options and priorities are sacrificed on the alter of the other's fears, whether those options are a new baby, a new job, or new sexual behavior. You also fear that if your partner doesn't need you, because he or she can take care of himself/herself, then he or she wouldn't want you or choose you. This makes you fear your partner becoming more emotionally autonomous as much as you fear it in yourself.

The picture about women's capacity for violence changes when taking into account domestic violence in lesbian relationships, mother's physical abuse of their children, and women who commit sexual harassment in workplace.