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The problem with self-doubt is that the fear it creates stops us from living the lives we most want and changing the things we don’t.  How?  Fear keeps us living small and stuck in jobs that don’t fulfill us but feel safe.  But is there really anything safe about living a life where you feel disengaged, disillusioned or desperate to be doing something else? of course not. The truth is that who you are is not your doubts. The key to banishing them isn’t to wish them away, but to take action in their presence.

It’s easy to mislead ourselves into thinking that if we just had the success we wanted, then we’d never doubt ourselves again and ooze the confidence we see in others.  But it actually works in reverse.

Many of my clients deal with a fear of criticism. I see it in several aspects of their lives. At work, people fear criticism from their managers and colleagues, so they keep quiet and don't share their opinions. They play it safe. At home, people fear that they'll be criticized by their spouse or partner, so they don't speak their mind. They back down when they sense conflict. In friendships, people often don't have boundaries because they fear that establishing them would lead to criticism or that they would be viewed as selfish.

Whatever the setting, it's this fear that keeps people stuck. For example, by not speaking up and not sharing your ideas, you'll never advance. People won't know your thoughts and will have no reason to recognize your worth and promote you.

Is fear holding you back from trying something new or going after what you really want? Here are some ways to get past it.

I hate fear. Fear has cost me a hefty sum in dental bills from grinding my teeth. Fear interferes with sleep, digestion, and many other things that make life worth living. When you examine some of the worst things human beings have done, you'll often find fear as the root cause. There's no doubt about it: Fear sucks.

Here's what's worked best for me over the years. (And if you've found something else that works, I'd love to hear it!)

1. Ask yourself: Should I take action to solve this fear?