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In every office, some employees carry a little more sway than others. Perhaps they’ve amassed enough political capital in the workplace to trade favors with colleagues and persuade supervisors to see things from their point of view. Maybe they can schmooze their way through a sales negotiation or exploit relationships with support staff to smooth the progress of a budget meeting.

Recently, some research has suggested that employees who exhibit this type of political proficiency in the workplace also perform better on the job. After all, if politically savvy employees can network more effectively and rally support across different factions of their department or company, it stands to reason that they also have the ability to exert more positive influence over firm-wide affairs.

Networking can feel like the professional equivalent of speed dating. And, like speed dating, you don't just want to make a good impression — you want to make a lasting one. So, how can you present yourself well and make meaningful connections when it feels like you're making small talk with people who are only half-listening?

The first step is to reframe your concept of networking. At your next event, remind yourself that it's less about empty chit-chat and more about making connections.

How do you make those?

By forgetting everything you thought you knew about networking small talk and, instead, tapping into the science of good conversation! Here are six strategies for being the most popular person to talk to at your next networking event.

For many of us, the idea of professional networking conjures unctuous thoughts of pressing the flesh with potential employers, laughing at unfunny jokes, and pretending to enjoy ourselves.

No wonder a recent study found that professional networking makes people feel unclean, so much so that they subconsciously crave cleansing products. The study, titled The Contaminating Effects of Building Instrumental Ties: How Networking Can Make Us Feel Dirty, appeared in the December 2014 issue of Administrative Science Quarterly.

Be Ruthless

“Quite candidly, I’m really ruthless in terms of doing only those things which are absolutely essential. I’m saying no to a lot, both in work and life. I see a lot of working moms who think they have to be 110% at work, and then volunteer to run the school auction. We’ve become so awful at saying no. I try hard to become incredibly selective about those things I engage with, so I can be really present for the stuff that I’m doing, and be really engaged with my kids in a meaningful way. People are trying to accomplish too much, and they’re killing themselves in the process.”

It's party season. After that comes conference season, and then summer workshop season, then another conference season, and then party season again. At all these events, as well as many occasions in-between, you're going to meet, or spy across the room, someone you really want to talk to. Only you won't be quite sure how to start the conversation. 

Starting a conversation with a stranger can be daunting, but it really isn't that hard. There are really only three rules: Be pleasant and upbeat; be open and straightforward; and say something the other person will want to hear. 

With that in mind, here's are some conversation starters guaranteed to get things rolling. After that, it's up to you.

If you're introverted (like me), you may find it difficult to connect with people at social gatherings. If you're extroverted, you face a different challenge--your outgoing personality may run roughshod over people you'd like to know better.

Not to worry. There's help for all of us.

At the Reader's Legacy awards last weekend, I had the opportunity to meet with Larry Benet, who is the co-founder of SANG Events, which feature speakers like Tony Hsieh, Tony Robbins, and Jack Canfield.

If there are best practices to decide whether or not to assist a new connection, surely there have to be hacks for the other side of the equation (i.e., things you can do to make people more likely to want to meet with you).

Fourteen years ago when I was working in corporate America I began wooing "Big Firm," a potential new client. I started with a cold-call letter I’d spent an embarrassing number of hours composing. It met with silence.

But like a teen boy crushing, I kept pursuing Big Firm for many awkward months, painstakingly crafting proposal after proposal. These earned me a series of thanks-but-no-thanks replies, each signed by the same guy. We’ll call him “John.”

I studied Big Firm and sussed out that John was a mid-level but well-connected player and, by all accounts, a rising star. I wrote to John directly. Another polite rebuff.

It was time to turn to the darker side of my skill set (I've been in intelligence investigations for 23 years).

Introverts recharge by spending time alone. They lose energy from interacting with other people for long periods of time, particularly in stimulating, crowded environments.

Extroverts, conversely, lose energy from spending time alone. They recharge by interacting with other people in highly social environments.

This personality dimension has nothing to do with shyness. According to author Susan Cain, presiding commander in chief of the introverts, shyness is a fear of negative judgment, while introversion is a preference for quiet, minimally stimulating environments. In other words, a lack of interest in socializing (introversion) is clearly different than fearing it (shyness).